Vacation Bible School

When I was four years old, the kids next door began vanishing on summer mornings. Mom told me they went to Vacation Bible School, and I wanted to go to, so I started hiking down the street in the direction taken by their car.  A few blocks from home, the street passed over a small brook, and I saw a frog on a stone beside the brook. I decided to put off Bible School and talk to the frog instead. As we were chatting, a nice lady stopped her car on the bridge and asked if I was lost. I said no. I was just talking to a frog. She invited me to ride with her, and as we approached my home, we both saw Mom standing by the curb looking very worried. I never knew I was lost.

En route to Vacation Bible School

Since I never attended Vacation Bible School, here are some Scriptural "facts" I never learned. These are culled from Bible tests taken by children.

• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
• Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.
• Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
• Samson slew the Philistines using the Axe of the Apostles.
• Unleavened bread is bread without any ingredients.
• After the Egyptians drowned in dessert, Moses went up Mt. Cyanide to get the Commandments.
• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to be still and he obeyed him.
• David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people in Biblical times.
• Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
• When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• After St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.